rosepettles

I haven't written in forever. Not a whole lot has been happening. I'm a senior now, and 6 weeks from now, I'll be in my last semester of high school. It's a crazy thought.

I haven't heard from Northwestern yet but I think they're waiting for me to send in my IEP. So I'll ask Schu for a copy of it tomorrow.

I'm knitting Kevin a scarf (he's been my boyfriend for 4 months on the 20th) and I hope he likes it. I'm sure he will.

I got 2 of the yarns so he can crochet me a matching one.

Been doing a Bio project and I've got half of it done. Now for the other one.

I haven't written since May.
Crazy.
I'm tired and cold.
And it's only September.

I went to Eau Claire this weekend.
I had a dive meet.
I dove a personal best.
92.75

I spent the day sleeping at Alyson's.
We were going to go to Mall of America.
For Homecoming dreses.
But we overslept.
So I'm going tomorrow after school.

I've got a boyfriend.
His name is Kevin.
He's a Senior at Hopkins High.
He's my age.
He beleives in God.
I really like him.
He's not my whole world.
I've got a healthy balance.
I feel really good about this.

Well, let me think...
Prom is next friday. I have no idea who I'm gonna go with.
My 2 years since my OD is next Thursday. I don't know how I'm gonna deal with that.
I'm anxious.
I've got an F in Math.
Mid-Qtr is tomorrow
Lexi is coming over tomorrow for a sleepover. I'm excited.
I'm applying for college in September.
I'm almost 18 and what I've wanted for so long, now I'm scared of...
I'm updating my iPod and putting on good, motivating music.
I love KJ-52 right now.
I'm really excited for Missions.
Yep. That's about it. My mind's racing.
I'll provide some lyrics of KJ. He's amazing.

Dear Slim, I never wrote you or been calling
My name ain't Stan son nah we've never met and
My name's KJ let me begin by introducing now
Myself to you and these very reasons I'll be writing
Why I took my time the who what where and why and
The purpose of my verse and the reasons I'm reciting
What I hope your learning from the truth I pray your finding
And every word I'm writing down upon the dotted lines and
See I heard ya first album it was called infinite
I shook my head cause nowadays you sounding different
What drove ya to take your whole persona and be flipping it
Now what makes a man totally change see I ain't getting it
See was you sick of getting booed when you was ripping it
And sick of never having dough and you wanted to put an end to it
What good's all kinds of dough, plus all kinds of flow?
To gain a world of fans but suffer the loss of soul


La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (to whom it may concern)
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (to whom it may concern)
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (to whom it may concern)
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (to whom it may concern)


Dear Slim I never wrote you or been calling
This is my 2nd letter cause see son I gots a real problem
It's that to you that I'm always catching these comparisons
And after shows I got these people coming up to me saying
You sound like Slim Shady son you sound like Eminem
And I be like now really man do I gots to go through this again
See I used to get mad and sick of people saying that
Till at this one show this one day I met this one cat
He told me how he used to listen to you but now listens to me
Had your LP but threw it out and bought my CD
I'm like "For real?" he's like "Yeah," said my music made a difference
It got him away from all your words and images
Gotta mention this now what about the effects you have on kids?
You ever stop to think about the millions you influence
Or is it just irrelevant is it a true life you telling it
Or just a way for some record companies selling it
The only thing we's got in common is our melanin
Or a lack of it but anyway now this is what I'm saying
Its for you that I'm on my knees now daily praying
Praying that God opens your eyes now to what I'm relaying
Now I'm praying that it's your heart that will soon be changing
Praying one day that you'll be calling upon his name and
But anyway I'm signing off now don't keep me waiting
This is KJ another cat just trying to make it

La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (to whom it may concern)
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (to whom it may concern)
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (to whom it may concern)
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (to whom it may concern)

Dear Slim I heard about the stuff you's going through
See I could relate to you cause son I'm about as old as you
See we both know what it's like just to be growing up to be in a neighborhood
When you's the one and only kid that's white
Or to get booed when you on the mic just because your skin is light
It ain't right but sometimes you know that's life
But really tell me what you do?
You just push on with hopes on that someday you'll put on your crew
I hope you understand that I ain't even dissing you
And even though it's a song you'll probably never listen to
See what I send to you is this
Is that a life without Christ is just a life that is never fixed
I hope you remember this now a few sentences
About a living God who loves you and plus forgives
And I'll be praying for your ex-wife and plus your kid
It's hard to live in a world as crazy as this one is
And even though now it really might sound redundant
God's got mad love for you up in a mad abundance
You'll sell a couple mill I'll probably sell a couple hundred
There's more to life than selling records and just getting blunted
But anyway that's really all I gots to say
Just another word from an emcee now around the way
Maybe some day we meet each other in some way
Till then one love one God one way

La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (to whom it may concern)
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (to whom it may concern)
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (to whom it may concern)
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (to whom it may concern)

Some say love
It is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love
It is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love
It is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love
It is a flower
And you-it's only seed

It's the heart
Afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream
Afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one
Who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul
Afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember
In the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
That with the sun's love
In the spring
Becomes the rose

So i joined a choir and this is what we're singing. i love it.

Hard to believe I haven't written in a month. Not much has happened. I'm in my second semester of my Junior year. It's been okay so far. I'm still loving sign. Mr. Gotz has gotten me a voice lessons teacher, which is exciting. Hopefully I'll be working on my self-confidence.

I'm still diving. I don't feel like I'm inproving at all, but whatever. I went to the boys swim and dive meet last night. I saw my ex. I didn't say anything to him, I don't want to say anything to him. I don't have anything to say. I've moved on, and I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I was 2 years ago.

Valentines day is Thursday. I'll be spending it at TreeHouse.

Wow....Where to even begin? So long since i've written, and i feel like so much has probably happened. Mostly just the fact that it's a new year and i'm still falling. sometimes i feel like that's all i ever do. fall. winter blast was over the weekend, i got really close to God and felt good. didn't want to leave. so many of my friends were there and i didn't want to leave. just so hard to get back into the swing of things with school. Due to a miss communication with my math teacher i now have 2 hours of detention. i've never had detention.

diving and treehouse and school and work. 8 days til finals start. i feel like...where the hell is all the time going? i'm taking an loa (leave of absence) soon.

Well...I'm 17. I spent all of last week with my uncle Chuck, who's moving out here in February. And what else? Oh, on my birthday, which was last Wednesday, November 14th, TreeHouse went Paintballing.

I had a pretty hard week. Monday started with saying goodbye to my uncle Chuck. He had to go back home to colorado. And no day starts well with crying because you have to say goodbye at 7AM. Then I made the mistake of having Haley tell Joe that I love him. He doesn't love me. The last 72 hours have been complete hell. I feel awkward around him. And when he said, I don't have any feelings for her, I sat down on the couch upstairs and Evan held onto me because my whole world was spinning around.

"Trish, you deserve much better than that asshole." Joe isn't an ass. I guess where I'm really crushed is the fact that I knew full well that he didn't have any feelings for me. Even though I'd been his friend through thick and thin, that I knew the best thing was to just convince my heart to stop loving him.

And I don't know. I don't know why I always end up getting so hurt. But I do. It's okay. I've got a plan. I'm gonna go find a band-aid. Tape it to my heart.

Diving is done now...At least for the whole 5x a week thing. It ended Monday. I have mixed feelings about it ending. I miss the girls and Cindy. I miss the sport and the feeling of the board as I try and defy gravity for just a moment. Umm...What else? I miss feeling beautiful in the skin I'm in for 1.5 hours a day. I'll miss the competition. But I do like the fact that time isn't being eaten up. The fact that every time I wanted to stop and take a break, I was plunged off into a different direction.

Umm...What else? Colin won't stop bugging me and he's driving me insane! He's made me cry so many times and I'm just so sick of it! I want to just smack him! But I won't. So, I walked away when he started yelling at me today. I never noticed how angry he gets.

Halloween was nice. I went to a TreeHouse party in bloomington. It was fun.

Well, where to start? I've had an amazing last few days. I got to see my friend Josh, I went to Les Miserables, and I went to Wisconsin. I went on Nightmare! and it was really fun. It was scary, but it was fun. Also, I'm reading Cyanide and Happiness, and I haven't done that in a long time.

Also, another thing that makes me happy is...It's Saturday and I don't have to work. I'm happy about that.

I worked all weekend. It was painful. My feet ache, and I am waiting for it to be later so I can just eat dinner and go to sleep. Because I don't want to be awake at the moment. I'm too tired to stay awake, so hopefully, I'll be able to stay awake for another few hours.

What else? I'm just sitting here thinking about how I'm hungry, but getting up to eat requires me to get up and that means walking, and that means standing on my feet. Which my feet will be angry about.

Yeah...I need to do something about this. I need to get up and get food.